Last days

It’s been school holidays here for the last couple of weeks, and the kids are back to school tomorrow. We haven’t really done as much as we wanted to during this time but the kids say they’ve had a great time regardless.

Yesterday we decided to go for a drive down to Victor Harbor and walk around Granite Island, which we haven’t done since Simon and I first started going out. On our first ‘getaway’ we stayed in his tiny caravan that he had back then in the caravan park in Goolwa, and one of the days were spent in Victor Harbor. He took me out to the island and it was the first time I ever had scones, because he had to teach me how to eat them. We told the kids this story and I was very excited because for some reason we’ve never been back there since they were born. Being Norwegian, walking in nature is something I always enjoy, and combining this with the continuous smell and sound of the ocean makes it even better. Also a bonus is that it’s not a difficult walk for either my pregnant self or the little ones.

We had our lunch first and I dressed the kids in their rain gear as its been raining around the state the last days and I figured there’d be puddles. Sometimes it’s painfully obvious that I come from somewhere different because the other kids on the playground were in shorts, thongs and singlets..:)

I was very happy I let them stay in their rain clothes though, as this meant they could jump and climb and sit and slide around on the island without having to worry about them being all filthy and muddy by the end of it and they had pretty much free reign instead of constantly reminding them to not get dirty.

Before getting around they had to obviously see the horses (for those who’ve never been there, there’s a bridge out to the island with a horse-drawn tram!).

The girls absolutely loved exploring all the rock formations and imagining what they all looked like. What I saw as a bee, was a frog to Ricky and a dinosaur for Melodie. Sophia, unsurprisingly, was the first one to climb into every hole and cave she could find, and picked every flower she could see.

Although we didn’t see any penguins or sea lions we did see lots of quails running around which was just as exciting for the little ones:)

The best part about going these places with the little ones is that we see so much more and so many details than if it was just Simon and I. So many adults walking quickly past the big bunch of quails while the girls were busy studying them. 

After strawberries and cream back on the mainland and driving around looking at some historical buildings and houses we drove home, but a cafe halfway home was giving out free milkshakes so we hopped in line and the girls had the best ending to the day:)

Now, one more day before school and normality starts again:)

Xxx,

Line 

She puts all of her trust in me

 

Tonight, we decided to go for a drive after dinner, we chucked all the girls into the car and off we went. We normally end up going to the beach. The ocean will always be my happy place. I never knew how attached I was to the sound and smell of the waves crashing until I found myself in the middle of nowhere in Australia, where there were only miles and miles of flat ground. It had its beauty, but after having lived in Mildura for a while and then in the middle of nowhere, arriving in Adelaide, hopping straight on the tram to Glenelg and breathing the fresh sea-breeze again made me feel alive once more. Simon has spent half of his life either in or on the water, so he is the same. The sea is where we are reborn.

After a drive down, where Sophia fell asleep first while the other two refused to, Simon and I left the car with sleepyhead and Melodie still there, while we got Ricky out and walked onto a boat ramp we found. Melodie sat in the car with the windows and doors open singing Disney songs while paying attention to what we were doing. Ricky got to spend a few minutes with only Mamma and Daddy, and she loved it. She didn’t want to go back in the car, and was asking Simon if the two of them could go fishing instead, and of course, nothing makes him happier than a child of his wanting to go fishing! She was happy when he told her she could come out with him again ‘real soon’.

This was pretty much enough for her. After a playdate with friends earlier in the day and some extreme running around at home, she was pretty much set. Melodie got to hear some more of her favourite songs, and when they were all asleep we parked the car just outside an ice cream shop for a late night naughty dessert before heading home. The streets are so much nicer after dark when there’s only a few people out and everything is calm. And beachside is usually one of my favourite places.

 

 

We get home, and all the girls are asleep, so we carry them inside. I am of course giving myself the job of carrying Ricky inside while Simon takes the other two. While he goes to unlock the door, I unbuckle Ricky and picks her up into my arms. She wakes up just a little, pushes herself out so she can see me, and once she sees it’s me, curls herself back up into my neck and stays there. I realise that the look she gives me is one that is filled with trust. Yes, she is in my arms, a place where she will always be safe.

And it hits me. Of course, she trusts me. Of course, they all trust their mum and dad. And I am reminded that this is an automatic response in little ones. They have and will always trust their parents. The people who are with them from they are little (and I am sure this is true for foster and adoptive parents as well) don’t need to earn their trust, it’s just always there. They will never question whether I will feed them, clothe them and keep them safe. That’s why, when the news of this world talks about all the times when mothers and fathers and other carers use that trust and abuses it it cuts me.

I need to know about what happens in the world. In everything in life, I am always thirsty for knowledge. With Melodies diabetes, I always ask questions and want to know as much as humanly possible. For me, it helps knowing what the worst-case scenario is, it freaks me out less. Many people are not like me. At all. Some people are happy to be on a need-to-know basis, and that is cool. We deal with life differently.

I need to know about what happens in the world, because I believe that knowledge is always going to be power. This does mean I have read countless articles and stories about all the tragic things that happen in the world, both locally, nationally and worldwide. This, unfortunately, also means that I continue to have my heart broken by all the cruelty in the world. Luckily, I self-heal. I spend time with my family and friends and praise the gods of the world that we are so extremely lucky that we are where we are. That my children have such a wonderful dad and that I was raised by the people I was raised by so I, too, am pretty amazing. The odds were in our favour, and we need to use it for good. We need to use our position to make the world a better place. How? Not sure. All I know is we can be kind, brave and never stop trying. And we need to make sure we never break their trust.

 

Xxx,

Line

Lest we forget

Got everyone up early this morning to attend the dawn service for Anzac Day. If you are unaware of what that is, it’s simply put a commemoration of the members of the defence force who have served their country, particularly honouring the veterans and the fallen. We have never attended one as a family before, Simon used to participate in a March in NSW but that was later in the day, and two years ago we went to the city to see Him march together with his dad.

It was a lovely morning and the kids got to have candles and sing along to the national anthem – and they all love it when daddy wears his uniform (and Obviously I do too:)). This year Simon had more medals than last year and we are very proud of him. We were initially meant to do a different thing today, but Simon changed his mind and wanted all his girls at the service, and surprisingly we got all the girls up and dressed and were ready and there on time! 

The rest of the day will be spent on something nice, I believe Simon has promised the girls to go bike riding so we’ll see. In any case we have spoken about the wars and explained to the girls what this day means, and I am sure as they get older they will understand more.

As a Norwegian on this day I can’t help but think back to the heroes of my own country as well, and feel as though I am just as much honouring them as well as all soldiers and defence personell who spend and spent so much time away from their families in order to keep us safe and ensure our future was secure. Those are the people who are responsible for our safety today. It’s scary looking around at the world today and see so much evil and dangerous stuff going on – and with threats from all over can we really feel safe?

I know I do. I know we have people of the same caliber as my husband fighting for us, ready to defend us to their last breath if that is what it takes. I know we will be kept safe from harm because they are strong. The good always win in the end. 

And may we never forget their efforts. May we always show them our respect. And may we always treat them well and give them all they need to keep going.

Xxx,
Line

#studysunday

I tend to do things slightly differently than the norm. Where others place themselves on a desk to study, my favourite workplace is the bed. Not because I’d prefer to sleep, I just like to spread out, and becaus my studies involve both books, hand writing and using the computer, I can change positions easily. I also like to sit with my legs crossed and that doesn’t work neatly with a desk.

So this is my office today. Simon has taken the two youngest ones out in the boat and I’ve spent the majority of the day already in bed, studying. Well, I also did do an hour of sleeping, but the baby wanted it, and who says no to babies?? I used he rest of the morning up until now watching German kid songs and stuff on YouTube. Research. Ahem.

Time to do some proper stuff, I have an assignment due in a few days and I’m 1/3 there, so I’m expecting to be at 70% by the end of the day! Wish me luck:)

With my lunch ready, Norwegian rice porridge from last nights dinner, a pitcher of orange juice and of course loads of ice (honestly it’s probably 60% ice… yum<3) I’m set for the next few hours #lowcarb #paleo #vegan (Just kidding!!:))

Also, cutting off half of my hair tomorrow, stay tuned:)

Xxx,

Line 

A girl like me

Some days when we have not much planned or we can’t decide what to do, we ask the girls what they would like. We’d get answers like ‘go to the playground’ or ‘take Joey to the dog park’ or ‘watch a movie’. But not from Sophia. By now you should know that Sophia has no problem being slightly different – and we love her. Sophia will call out ‘GO TO IKEA!’ and then usually be shot down because it’s not the ideal family day when Simon has a day off. Now that she has started kindy, Ricky and I have been there a few times without her, and it doesn’t sit well with her at all.

It’s school holidays here this week and next, and I figured we might as well go there this week, while Simon is at work, and planned to go with some friends. I am always excited when I go to IKEA, and now that all three of them can go to the playroom, that hour of not having to watch them is solid gold. Together with endless drinks and meatballs.

Last night Sophia was very sad. They had been given the task of tidying up the lounge room, but only Melodie was doing it. I’d told them ‘if you clean up, you get to stay up, if you don’t, it’s time for bed’. The Two little ones obviously had a mind of their own and after a few times of reminding them, Simon and I grabbed one each and took them to bed. Obviously they were not happy. I had Sophia, and she was devastated. Absolutely beside herself upset that she didn’t get to get back up and continue cleaning up. She had previously put one book away, so that qualified as cleaning, right?

I read her a book and lay down next to her, the hurt in her eyes glowing at me. She was not going to sleep, she was too sad. I told her: ‘Guess where we are going tomorrow? It’s somewhere you always ask to go!’ She looks back at me, smiling through her tears ‘IKEA?’ I nod, adding that her friends are coming too, and she laughs and cries at the same time, putting her head back on the pillow. ‘I am so happy now’ she tells me, and I thought now she was going to go straight to bed. I kissed her goodnight again and left her room.

Now, this is Sophia, so she didn’t just fall right asleep, but the crying stopped and she told me tomorrow was going to be ‘the best day ever.’ Just like me when I go there:)

Xxx,

Line

Some good news – at last!

Throughout most of the last three years when Melodie was diagnosed we have been asked countless times by health professionals if we’d consider an insulin pump and why not. Although I have many reasons why we’d like to wait before we get her one, one of the reasons is cost. Because of Simon earning over a certain amount, we don’t get anything subsidised at all (in fact, he would have to go down loots before it would be subsidised for us, and that’s not because his salary is over the moon, but because the threshold is set quite low.) I have always felt like one of the things that are the most annoying about it is that when it comes to things like this, here in Australia, the kids are being ‘punished’ for having parents that earn an okay amount of money, and only the poorest people will get it for free, and because we’re talking about children here, I think it’s bloody unfair to be honest. The pumps cost a lot of money. $10k would get you an okay one. Ten thousand dollars. Now, we have enough money to get by in life, but we are in no way swimming in money, and we certainly don’t have ten grand plus just sitting around waiting to be used on medical equipment (Especially when I know that we can just hop on over to Norway – and it all comes for free, regardless of your financial status).

Anyway, although there are other factors why I’d like to wait, that’s been one of the main reasons.

One thing we’ve been wanting though, is a CGM. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a sensor that measures the blood glucose levels continuously, and sends the numbers off to a receiver. Imagine how handy that would be, huh? No need to wake Melodie up in the middle of the night, pry her fingers open just to get a drop of blood out and see. No need to wonder whether her levels are high because she has food or dirt or other things stuck to her fingers. No need to wonder if her hypo has just started, or if she has been going down slowly.

Whatever our views have been on the pump, I’ve continued to ask if we could look at a CGM for her, but all the people have been telling us that they only suggested that to kids with pumps, and I would go home annoyed because I knew there were devices out there that didn’t work with pumps. I kept dreaming.

Then the news came. 

On the first of April (what a day for it) it was announced that the government would fully subsidise these CGMs for kids with diabetes, and although I was so happy I could cry I was also wary that we probably would not be eligible, like in the past. I mean, great news and great for the government to do this, we just were preparing to fight for it.

We went in to our appointment yesterday ready to put on the waterworks and cry our way to get one of these, but the lady that saw us first told us we were eligible regardless! So no financial threshold, no medical crisis and I didn’t even have to exaggerate to get it. We just filled out the form, and we are meant to be getting one in not too long!! So happy!! Still not yelling out with joy as I am still expecting hiccups, but it’s looking good!

Goodbye to worrying about her levels at school, I can leave her at dance or gymnastics without too much worry, and our lives can normalise slightly – hey she might even get her fingers back to normal!

It’s safe to say I have cried:)

Xxx,

Line

Come with me, and you’ll be – in a world of…

My imagination! Only it’s real!

I’ve decided to – since it’s the last weekend of our show – to snapchat my way through it, so you can all get a glimpse of the backstage life of the musical theatre here – from my point of view:):) (on my story)

Obviously I can’t show you any of the actual show because it’s illegal (and I ain’t planning on breaking any copyright laws!) but some change room, intermission, getting ready and you know, final cast party time:D 

So come with me, and I’d love to get requests about what you’d like to see, maybe a specific costume, or warming up or I dunno, our awesome sewing machines?

If you’re not already a ‘follower’ on snapchat, my username is “linesmyk” 😘😘

Let’s  do this!

Xxx,

Line

We really would like to share, but..

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Simon and I both know what gender our baby is. We are absolutely thrilled – and we would have loved to share it all with the world! But there’s a big but…
You see, for almost four years we have been hearing the same damn thing; “Hope it’s a boy for you then!” “Wow, three girls?? You must be hanging for a boy!” “What if it’s just a girl again, will you keep trying for a boy?”
And then Ricky was born, being, obviously, a girl. “Well, better luck next time!” “Oh, that’s a shame, was hoping you finally got a boy.” “looks like you’ll keep trying!” “FOUR GIRLS?? ARE YOU CRAZY?”
We were downright being told by people (and very often strangers, who frankly could just fuck off if you ask me) that the girls weren’t good enough. That we were meant to be disappointed. I started to hate the idea of having a boy. If our familys luck was defined by ‘being blessed with both genders’ then I didn’t want a boy. Give me all the girls, because that kind of talk just ain’t right.
And now, still, there is a general misconception out there that we would like to have a boy. Hey, there’s even people believing that the reason we are having this baby is so we could ‘try for a boy.’ To you I say Shame on you. How dare you. How dare you put these thought into any of our heads, my girls heads, that somehow, for some reason, a boy is now more wanted, more superior to a girl? That somehow if we in the delivery room have a baby pop its head out, crying out for its mom and dads love and care – if that baby has genitals pointing the ‘wrong direction’ – we will be disappointed? Shame.
If you are one of those, you probably must be thinking; “But that’s not what I mean, I just… It’s just a joke, don’t take it so seriously… Come on, gee, I don’t MEAN it…” But strictly psychologically, when someone tells you something over and over, and when you hear something an endless amount of times, in your head, it creeps its way down to your subconsciousness and becomes a truth. It doesn’t matter how ‘serious’ you meant it. Because you, and all the other people who have made similar comments since Ricky was pretty much conceived contribute to this ‘truth’.
And I tell you what. Luckily, it’s not the truth. Because from the bottom of my heart – I do not have any preferred gender. At all. When our baby is born, there is not an ounce of me that will be disappointed about the state of their reproductive organs. I realise some people do have a preference, and that is absolutely okay, I’m just not one of them. Honestly, if we end up with a whole bunch of girls, then I will be so stoked for all of us (Maybe slightly less for Simon because of hormones, but he already has to deal with mine…:)). If we end up with a little baby brother at the end, I will still be over the moon. And please do not think for a second that I am not speaking the truth.
When we went to find out what the baby is, I was nervously shaking. I knew that the different outcomes would give me different reactions. I knew that if it was a girl, my head would go “Damnit, now we will be hearing about this for years to come still, I wish people would just shut up.” I also knew that if it was a boy, I would think that “Finally, now they can all just collectively shut up!”
That’s not what I wanted for myself. I wanted to hear the words ‘BOY’ and look at Simon with tears in our eyes because we had made a boy. I wanted to hear the words ‘GIRL’ and look at Simon with tears in our eyes because we had managed to do it again. That was all. Instead, the experience was foiled by all these ‘other people’s expectations’.

 

We really would like to share our gender reveal with the world. But we are not sure yet. Because we don’t want the “finally, you did it!” comments and the “Oh no, better luck next time!” remarks either way. Our girls are not inferior to any boy out there. Boys are not superior to girls. Our kids are gorgeous and wonderful and amazing, and that has nothing to do with what is between their legs.
If you, the world, can collectively promise to shut up about their gender and just be happy that we yet again have created perfection, then we might agree to put the reveal up here.
Tuesday night rant over. (I realise it is Wednesday today, but I wrote this last night and then my internet shut down.)
Xxx,
Line

Why my heart bleeds

Sitting around the dinner table and the girls are asking me a serious question: 

How come you cry whenever we are crying?

I look at them all, they look at me as if this was something they had been discussing for a while before asking me this obviously serious question.

I start.

‘Mamma cries when you guys are hurt. When you have pain, are sick or when you are not treated nicely. I might not always have tears coming out, but when you are sad, my heart is also sad.’

I can already feel my eyes well up. Sometimes these insights into how they think and how their wondering minds work baffles me to tears.

They are quietly processing this, and I continue:

Before you were born, you were inside my body. You were sitting just below my heart. My heart and body gave you life and kept you alive until you were born. You were living closer to my heart than anyone else ever will. That’s why when you bleed, my heart bleeds.

‘That’s beautiful,’ Melodie says. ‘I’m going to tell that to my kids.’

And then they all giggle at the fact they were all inside my tummy<3

My heart will never stop bleeding for theirs and I will make sure they know it. At least the do for now.

Xxx

Line