This is why

Four kids?? Wooow that’s like – a lot! You must be So busy! You must have your hands full! Do you EVER get any time to yourself? Hahahaha four girls when are you having a boy, Hahahaha? Do you feel your hair greying every day? You must be exhausted! Bet ya life sucks a little huh?

Do you hear them? The random people who just love to make commentary on my life and guess how it looks from their own – un-experienced life? Because I hear them all the time. Yep. And I’ve learned to answer them.

‘I actually study, do theatre and hang out with friends alone all the time – my life is pretty full!’

‘What do you mean boy…? I that something to strive for? Better than girls…?’

‘Hahaha yeah my hands are full but I have like eight other hands to help so…’

‘Actually, most nights I can get 10 hours sleep if I wanted to but thanks for the compliments.’

The thing is, it’s nobody else’s business how our family unit looks and how and why things turned out the way they are now. But just because I don’t mind sharing a little bit, I will tell you why.

I thought I was having kids for my own selfish reasons. Maybe I wanted cuddles and a little cutie to show off. But really – I’ve done it all for them.

We are just about to embark on the biggest change life will give us (probably, even though we don’t yet know what the future holds🤷🏼‍♀️) and the girls are eagerly counting down the days and really just loving thinking and talking about it all. They spend their days playing and chatting and hanging out- and although they sometimes are polar opposites in how they approach life and how they deal with life’s curveballs, their friendship is somehow based on more than just blood – I can tell.

I obviously don’t know if their friendship will be as solid as it is now, when they are adults – but I do know that the foundation is solid and important. They help each other through their little crises, they laugh together and snuggle up next to each other pretty much every day.

We’re moving literally across the world where they have no friends – everyone speaks a different language and everything is different. But they will be just fine because they have each other. And they will help each other’s learning and adjusting and be supportive and loving and caring. Sitting back and watching them makes me so incredibly proud every day.

So the reason why I’ve ended up with ‘so many kids’ is because we have literally created a group of friends for them and we know they will have each other for the rest of their lives. And I mean – they are amazing too so🤷🏼‍♀️

Last night I came in to check on them. Ricky has given up her bed for my brother while he is here, and so the three of them have been sharing one bunk bed. They take turns sleeping upstairs and in pairs and have somehow worked out a system for it. But last night I couldn’t find anyone downstairs in the bunk. The all had decided to sleep together at the top. And it made me so happy. They have the choice to be separated and have their own space, but instead, they wanted to be near each other.

Just beautiful.

(Also, I am saying *I* deliberately because I can’t possibly speak for Simon… he’s not even here😭)

Xxx,

Line

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The seven things I hate about you (yes I’m talking to you – all the stuff in my house)

1: Whenever I clean an area up it always equates to either a shopping bag full of rubbish, or a box load full.

2: If I start a donation bag it will be full in 0.3 seconds.

3: The more I clean up the messier my house looks.

4: I have too much of you in general.

5: Even after cleaning it all up, I will still have too much of you.

6: I didn’t even know I had you – but I won’t miss you.

7: You just need to take up less space, okay?

Gaaaah I’ve had enough…. But okay let’s do some more….:)

Xxx,

Line (your owner, or disowner now.)

I just needed to write

Do you just suddenly feel the need to write? Like you just have to sit down and get those words out of your system, even though they may not even make sense once they have made their wriggly way down on to some sort of paper – but you need to let it all just flow? Yeah, me too.
And I have been needing it for a while. It has been a whole month since I last posted something and I felt like I couldn’t wait any longer. I’m not sure what to write, but I will do so regardless.
Maybe it’s because the last month has been filled with so much that I just needed to breathe out… through words…
It has been a whirlwind that’s for sure. I’ve been seeing shows with friends, having lunch dates, trying to go through the massive amount of stuff we have accumulated through the years, and life has been busy as ever. In a good way. Simon was gone for a week – came home – and now he is gone again. We are now waiting for my brother to arrive, before we all travel back to the motherland in a mere three weeks.
Maybe it’s because I’ve finished uni for the term and as much as I love studying I had chosen a unit which did nothing but annoy and irritate me – and I just couldn’t get with the content. Turns out that I in fact managed to get a D, something that is way out of my expectations and although it’s a great score, I feel it’s undeserved, and although I should be proud, I don’t feel I actually learned anything – and I don’t want to fake my way through uni. The whole debacle just didn’t make me want to write anything for ages. I’ve changed my next unit to another Linguistics one which actually excites me, so that makes me happy at least.
Maybe it’s because I have been feeling so loved lately. We had a farewell party on the weekend, which was so much fun and with so many beautiful people who surprised us with songs and presents and it made me cry the happiest of sad tears there ever was – and even the people who were unable to make it have tried to make the effort to see me to say goodbye because they were sad they couldn’t make it – and I just know that my whole life in Oz have been made so much better by having these people in my life. And all that love just makes me endlessly happy and yet so, so sad.
Maybe it’s because moving away just stirs up so many feelings in general. And although I’m not sure exactly which words to use or how to explain things – I know I just need to jot some down for a bit.
I talk to my mum and her voice just has this happiness in it. She’s been waiting for us to come back for so long, and being able to give her this will mean the world to us both. I know for a fact there are plenty of people just sitting at the edge of their chair, counting down the days and just waiting, waiting.
As for the first thing I’ll do when I get there? Except for hugging and probably crying a little bit?
Hike. I am blessed with living at the foot of a mountain with pretty decent views once we get up there and I am bringing at least one kid with me up there to show them their new home. Prepare yourself for some good looking instagram posts with an aerial view of the place I was born and raised.

I think I never expected to leave Australia with so much to return to. I recall being back in Adelaide after living in NSW and walking through the actual city. We’d come back on holidays but I’d never taken the time to go to the city, and this time it felt like it was mine. My city. I hope Adelaide is okay with me calling her mine. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I think I love her like my sister. I know when we come back here I’ll want and need to spend some time with her – probably not ALL my time, but a fair amout. And I’ll tell her that I’ve missed her.

I don’t know what to write, really. But it looks like I’ve done some anyway.
XXX,
Line

#breakfast

Wow. Sometimes the breaths that you try to take just can’t get deep enough.

Simon had to stay in hospital yesterday (don’t worry, nothing serious) so I’ve been by myself – which of course I am used to. But I got up at 4am to get started on the day yesterday getting the kids ready and lunches packed before dropping Him off in the city in time to be back at school in time – having a few things to achieve but ending up with a stage-five clingy baby instead. I love the cuddles and she was happy – I just had so much to do!

Then off to pick up the others, back home to cook a quick dinner and for them all to eat it as quick as can be (which is trying even at the best of times) and out the door again less than an hour after we came back in. Off to the city for violin – all roads had car crashes somehow, but we made it in time – onwards for a quick visit for the girls to see their dad – then home. I had very much planned to fall into a heap and crawl under the covers once the girls were inevitably asleep, and one, two, three of them went down a treat but by none the stage five clinger was still awake and wanting to be in my arms. After several attempts I gave up and went downstairs and tried to write on my essay.

Aria wanted to help though, so there wasn’t much use, and when she was finally asleep and I could also rest it was way past 10pm. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out…. until Melodies alarm started going off alerting me she was going urgently low. Back up I go to wake her and feed her and stay up for a while to see her levels go up, but I was woken up four or five times by the same alarm. Her body was having a rough night and so was I meant to apparently. I’m flying out to Sydney tomorrow morning which means another early morning for us – packinh bags and hopefully finishing off My assignment before I go to bed….

So now breakfast is served on a table outside to try catch My breath… no rest for the wicked😂

Xxx,

Line

2 down – an unknown number to go

One of the difficult things about the way we are moving now, is that we can’t just spend the last week chucking everything into boxes, put them in a truck and then unpack once we are there, like we have the other times.
This time, we are moving overseas obviously, and we have decided not to bring our life with us. There are a few reasons for this. Firstly, we are not moving straight into a house of our own – we are going to be staying in my childhood home for a bit (and obviously, theres a couple people already living there…). It is not a very big house, so imagine if we were bringing not only the six of us, but all our gear as well? We would have to store it over there somehow for an indefinite amount of time and then fit it all in and… yeah nah, doesn’t work.
Then of course is the reason that our stuff really isn’t worth moving. Our furniture has been lovingly used by all kids and all the various fluids and dirt they bring with them – it doesn’t matter how much the couch covers can be washed and how clean we can make it, there’s no need to bring that sort of stuff over there. And the same goes for most of our things. Certain items hold more of a sentimental value to us, so we will just store some of it, but we won’t be able to bring it all over there anyway. We did check to see how much it would cost, and it just can’t be justified anyway.
We have decided that we don’t want to pay for storage, and we will use our shed here to store whatever we will keep. Which means we can’t keep much. It turns out to be really good for us, because we’ve never been good at chucking out all the useless stuff, but it has at least made us able to see how much junk we collect. I am currently the proud owner of at least five large rubbish bags on their way to charity, a few bags of stuff going to live with other families, one full box of things we hope to bring to Norway (but probably won’t happen this round) and one almost full box of stuff to be stored here. This is before I’ve even started the kitchen and gotten around to the kids toys. While looking for one of our suitcases, I stumbled upon a whole bag full of babyclothes in the size just before Arias, that she’s missed out on using because we really just have too. much. stuff.
It feels good though, to get rid of heaps. I think I could still be slightly more ruthless, but give me a break. I have had at least two full big boxes of rubbish, and there will surely be quite a lot more to come.
Today I fully packed suitcase number two. I have been going through the kids clothing and let them choose what to bring to Norway and what to keep. I just had to start somewhere and minimise the work I am doing. They’ve all been co-operative, and although I’ve made some executive decisions, they pretty much understand and choose the best clothes. This does mean they are left with the daggiest, ‘probably too small’, sometimes stained clothes to be worn for the next few months, but really – who cares. I have to do less laundry – and I got to tick a few boxes. Two full bags already ready to come with us, and I’m not unpacking them now. Hopefully we get to purchase some extra bags for the flight over otherwise we are pretty screwed:)
It’s exhausting thinking of how much we need to do and realising how much stuff we really have. I feel like I haven’t even scraped the surface yet, although all I see is bags and bags off to the op shop and off to someone else. Furniture and bigger items are being sold or given away, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we end up sleeping on the floor by the end of this. But that is just what it is.
Please keep me in your thoughts as I go through all this mess – I might need a fair bit of coffee…

(But it makes it all okay when I know I am going to this place: (photo lovingly stolen from https://www.ulstein.kommune.no/artikkel.aspx?MId1=17&AId=5365 so this is definitely not my pic, I just needed to show ya’ll the beauty so you will come visit🤷🏼‍♀️))

Xxx,
Line

I suppose it’s time

If you had any idea how many times I’ve tried to write this exact post you probably would appreciate it much more than you will.
It’s so hard when something you feel so strongly and deep in your heart needs to be said – but every time I try it just fails to pack that punch I so desperately need it to. I’m not sure where to start, because if I start at the beginning, it ends up being a thesis worthy of any masters degree, but if I extract the more important pieces I end up missing important stuff so I feel like people will not quite understand – and I may even confuse them and even worse; hurting people with my words. So I’ve ended up here. After countless attempts of trying to get my feelings down on (virtual) paper, this is where it’s at. It’s time to come clean.
For those who haven’t yet deciphered it, for those who I haven’t been face to face with and for those who I for some reason haven’t told yet – The Inevitable Time for us to set sail has come.
We always knew it was going to happen – it was always a part of our plan. We have actually ended up staying maybe even twice as long as originally intended. But now it is time.
And it sucks. For some reasons it really really sucks – and it is the same reason why it is actually really awesome. Confused? I’ll explain.
You see, moving to Australia was always meant to be temporary. This is why I didn’t make a single friend the first year in Adelaide. This is why, when we moved to NSW, I never bothered investing myself in the beautiful people I met there. And I really, truly did. Some of those people hold a dear and meaningful place in my heart and desperately hope I get to see many of them again. BUT. It took me far too long before I even let myself connect. It wasn’t until the last year that I really decided to go with it – and by then it was nearly too late. And by then I had had what I call ‘the terrible years’. I call them that now, because at the time I was blissfully unaware of the state I was in. I didn’t realise that I was actually unhappy. Yes, I had Simon and Melodie and we had two gorgeous babies while over there – and the location was just absolutely stunning. Still, it wasn’t enough. Had I started earlier maybe, realising that I needed to establish something – I don’t know. What I do know is I cried a fair few tears on our way back to Adelaide. I left something I had finally made over there – and was on my way back to ‘Badelaide’, where there was absolutely nothing. I was ready to leave asap.
The first year back in Adelaide I kinda existed in that bubble again. Where I wasn’t keen on connecting. When Melodie started school I did end up meeting school parents – but I knew we were on our way out of the country again, and although I connected, I was never quite ‘there.’ I still didn’t like Adelaide, and knew that once we were leaving I wouldn’t even bother looking back. This is the point where I would be ready to leave Australia as an eyesore in my history, as the bi-chapter that I never wanted to ever read again. The prologue to our new beginning that everyone skips. I was ready to ‘bye felicia’ all of Adelaide and go back to my real friends and real family. Then life turned. I decided to audition for another musical – and doing that, life finally made sense again. Simon went to America for a few months, I went to Norway with the kids, and started my studies at the same time. My whole Australia experience was somehow re-set, and I was suddenly excited! Adelaide had something to offer, and the negatives, although still there, were easy to shove into a corner and not deal with because I had all these new experiences! So the second (and others)  show I got to do in Adelaide, after the first kick-starter, really just cemented things for me. I ended up forging some really amazing friendships, I met some people who lifted my spirits just by being there, and I somehow managed to find my own little Adelaide family in all of that. Adelaide, who I was so quick to pounce on and judge, suddenly became my little oasis. This is where my Australia story truly lies. This is where, mostly through theatre, I can say I have truly lived.

It is now, with a cracked heart, I have to leave that behind. There is no doubt in my mind that what lies ahead for us is absolutely amazing, and I know I don’t have to look for happiness in Norway – because it is already there! The abundance of love and care that already exists in Noway, which I don’t have to search for or beg for or even ask for, will be right at our feet. There are people literally pacing the floors awaiting our arrival – and that humbles me and fills me with an immense amount of joy.
Still. Having to take something as beautiful as the community here that have taught me so much, accepted me – flaws and all, and taken care of our family as if we were there own, and leave it behind still majorly sucks. I wish I could just combine all of it and move to a remote town in Spain and live happily ever after. Then the pizza can be served whole.

You may think it sounds absolutely crazy, but the fact that this crushes a little part of me is exactly why it is also great. Imagine spending 8 years of your life living somewhere and hating it. Imagine having wasted those years being unhappy. I am so glad I can walk out of here saying ‘Australia, we will definitely be back – I love you’ – because the story was quite so a few years ago. Now I get to miss you and think of you and plan when I get to see you again. And if, for some reason Norway turns out not to be the right fit for our family, we actually have something to come back to.
Xxx,
Line

 

*tiny disclaimer – I have obviously gotten married and had lots of  kids, and these things have been very joyous and exciting for us, that is not what this is about at all… just in case you didn’t get that:)*

You made me cry

This last week has been an emotional ride for me. We finished up Chitty Chitty Bang Bang last Saturday night and as usual I was in tears before the final show had even started. Everyone knows I cry, but luckily I am a pro so I don’t think it would have been visible on stage! Even still, saying goodbye and packing up our stuff and go to the afterparty, I spent the whole day with my heart in my throat ready to burst out into tears, so when people said certain things or looked at me in a certain way it was very hard to hold back.
I just love those people so much, man. And being on such an intense journey and working so hard together and creating something so spectacular makes us close in a way it’s impossible to imagine being with anyone else. And although it may feel different at the time, it’s after – when everything suddenly falls silent and you find yourself surrounded by everything other than that crowd of amazing people – that’s when the post-show blues suddenly kicks in. And it sucks, man.

And here I go thinking that would be the only struggle I would have this week. Then Sunday night Aria gets sick. Like the first time she has ever been sick for real. People who get to hang out with her will all vouch for the fact that she is a very content little baby and crying just rarely occurs in general, so when she cried for ages and wouldn’t settle Sunday night I knew there was something wrong. We found out she had stomach cramps, and although we gave her something for the pain, she wouldn’t stop crying. I just held her and cuddled her and stayed up with her – and I cried. You know, being a mum can really suck in that way. Seeing that little person you love and care for more than yourself – the tiny human you are fully responsible for suffer, and knowing there is nothing I can do – knowing I would take all that pain upon myself if I could just cracked me. As she was sitting exhausted in my lap, her face all puffy from all the crying, I still praised myself lucky that this is all we’ve had to endure with our kids. (Well, except diabetic related stuff, but that’s a different story:)) We’ve never had to deal with long-lasting pain and suffering in them. Even when Sophia needed her thumb stitched back on she was happy as the next day and no bad words to say about it. Still, here I was sitting, in bed with my baby nestled in, hanging off my tummy, trusting me with her life, which, for her probably seemed as if it was ending or something. And I couldn’t stop myself from crying. Luckily, she was all better the next day and has been fine since!

You’d think that two-three days of crying would be enough for a week, right? But then other family members made it their mission to try again.
Monday morning the kids went back to school after the holidays and Ricky was going back to Kindy. Now, when it finished before their time off, she suddenly had meltdowns and didn’t want to go. I am a firm believer that unless there is an actual reason (safety or bullying or something we can’t immediately fix) that going to Kindy is the best thing for her. Ricky is normally one of the happiest kids alive, and starts the morning with a smile – without fail. For her to suddenly turn and not wanting to go was very strange and out of character for her. I figured it had been a long term and it was all fairly new and the holidays would do her good. We talked about going back and she had a couple of ‘I don’t want to go’-s and ‘But I’ll miss you’-s but we all agreed she was going back still. I even wrote her name on Melodie and Sophia’s hands to remind them to go over and check on her in their free time because that seemed to help her. All was good until we walk in and she stops dead in her tracks. She didn’t want to go. She did come, but reluctantly. As soon as we were inside, she wouldn’t leave me, and was hanging on to my leg. We sat down to read a few books and she was literally on top of me the whole time. And on this day, her main teacher wasn’t even there! We found one of the most regular teachers and I told her about her sadness, Ricky hanging on tighter than ever, and I could just feel her sadness seeping through my bones as I discussed the situation. As I bent down to talk to her again, Ricky had tears in her eyes, and she looked at me with such fear and tears in her eyes that I really wanted to just pick her up and run home with me. I knew we had to stick it out and made the agreement that if she was still unhappy in a few hours I could come back and get her, remembering again how fortunate we are to have that opportunity.
As I left her behind sitting on her teachers lap, cuddling up to her now, I couldn’t stop my tears from streaming down my face again. I know deep in my heart that that Kindy is amazing and lovely and that she needs to be there to learn and develop and that those teachers are nothing but fantastic – yet I swore that if this continues she will just not go anymore. Luckily she ended up having a great day, and only ended up teary once. Her sisters walked over to see her and they played side by side and she loved feeling like they were there for her. The next day she had no issues at all, and although the hug she gave me was slightly longer than usual, she sat down next to her friends all happy and ready to go! My mother-heart exploded and I got to walk out all teary again, only this time with proud tears.
Add to all that the fact that there’s a snapchat group full of people from Chitty so there’s this constant reminder of all these people I don’t get to hang out with again, it’s been an emotional week. (I mean, I know the reasons for my sadness is quite shallow, and some people have more real reasons to cry – still, I can’t help it!)
Xxx,
Line

Back with a bang?

It has been so quiet here on my blog for a very long time, and I’ve had people asking me when I will start writing again. Aside from the fact that I have been busy with Uni and doing a show, and just life in general, I think I have lost some of that want to write. I still write mostly every day, but I know that a part of me thinks that I need to be amazing in order to justify doing it.

For every passing day and for every time I sit down to write something, I feel like I need to ‘comeback’ with something great. I need to write something that will make people nod in agreement or feel deeply or go ‘Wow, this is a great piece!’ I have been feeling like it just isn’t enough to just ease back in with a post about our day and a picture of my baby eating banana. I need to be back with a bang!

Because I have been writing. Long pieces of stuff that I have been trying to tell for ages. Lots of words on these digital documents – just waiting to be edited an published. But it only gets that far. I either write too much – or too personal – or I get sidetracked and it ends up being about something completely different and then I’m not happy about it. I wonder whether I should just post some of the poetry I’ve made or whether I should go back to what I started out with. I end up putting way too much thought into it and it all just fizzles out… This used to be a place where I would just write, well, anything! A recipe here, a weekly report here – some deep and meaningful stuff there. Now, it seems as if I have needed to redefine my writing.

But I have finally come to the conclusion that I don’t need to. I can continue with this being my own space. Posting a whole lot of pictures of the kids going for a hike in the hills followed by some poems after I’ve shared my favourite music. I have nothing to prove, I have nowhere to hide. I’m coming back.

This is not a bang. This is not something for people to be wowed by. This is just me – sharing my life again – and you’re welcome to partake:)

(And I’ll just chuck in some pics of these kids:))

Xxx, Line

The post where I’m just rambling on about writing and also sharing a little secret

I have, so many times, said that I write because I need to. One of the ways I write is through this blog which, admittedly, has been sorely neglected this year and I am hoping to get back into it.
I write through different media. I sometimes write it all in my head and it never make it out on any paper, digitally or physically. Sometimes it is just a few lines on a piece of paper that happens to get thrown out with the rubbish clean-up that day. Sometimes it is elaborate, almost artistic lists. Sometimes it’s through making up stories and songs with the kids and a lot of the time, what I ‘write’ never gets actually written.
At school, I would always get excellent grades on my essays. It was always harder to stick to the facts – but once I was able to write whatever I wanted I was set. I do think I could do with a creative writing course because I have a bunch of stories in my head that I think need to come out somehow – even if it’s just to clear up space.
I always write much more and better when my head is a mess, though. I know some people need to seek out the quiet and tranquil to ease their mind and dig out the stories, but I am much more creative sitting around in my own little chaos. I also have so much more to say when I am upset – as many people are. The more upset I am, the more I write – and the more I write, the less upset I’ll be. It’s the circle of life for me.

I will let you in on a little secret though, and I don’t know if many expect this of me – but I am currently writing my own musical. I know, I know – it’s not a very common thing to be scribbling on about, but I have had this evolving story in my head for almost six years now, and over the course of these years, the story has slowly made its way from my head into a physical – actually saved it somewhere – space. Not all of it of course, but I still know the story. I have written a few of the songs (are they ready? Definitely not) – the storyline is pretty much there, and I have the list of characters in the show clear – and although the plot is fairly simple and I don’t write music – I still have a dream of finalising it sometime next year. It is in Norwegian, but if I can write it in Norwegian first, I can translate it to English later.
I don’t know what the process behind writing something like this is, but at least I am learning. And I may write it, even get someone to help me with the music – and then it ends up being just that – something I made. But still, it will be something I made and for me, that will be entirely and utterly amazing!

My efforts here will hopefully be better in the coming weeks, I want to do it and show more of what we have done this year so far, but I am making no promises!:)
(also, I think It’s about time we upgraded this header, right?)

Xxx,
Line

The thing that sucks, though

 

One of the things we end up teaching our children is things such as work ethics, and morale and to work hard for what they want, to persist and keep trying and the fact that there will be a reward in the end is meant to motivate them and keep their spirits up and make them want to become even better and invest even more time and effort into the things they like because if you have a passion you should persue it and work on it. So your kids do their homework and sit still in class and hope that there will be a reward at the end of it. And then you have the disppointment when they learn their efforts and hard work and decency means nothing because at the end of the day it’s just a luck of the draw. Or the teacher might hate your guts. Or you look a bit funny or your name is hard to pronounce or you said something wrong one time because you were upset and that stuck forever.
Melodie, my eldest, has never won a yard award. At her school, the teachers who are on duty will write down the name of someone who is doing something good while they are playing outside and get to be in the running for a yard award. I can tell you now, that those who know Melodie knows she deserves one. She started a club with her best friend where the sole purpose is to look for people without anyone to play with – and ask them to play. She picks up rubbish in the yard and puts it in her lunchbox (hers is rubbish free) so we can put it in the bin. She comforts kids that have fallen and get them wet paper towels to put on their hurt. She is a fricking good kid, that one. Her heart is as big as the sun and deserves all the awards in the world, but this is one she won’t get. I told her about how – unfortunately – it doesn’t matter that she has her name in there ten times, as long as number eleven gets picked out. I told her that sometimes the world is bloody unfair (when last time a kid I saw kicking someone the day before got the award) – but that we still need to put in an effort and we still need to work our hardest. She understands, but I don’t think she likes it.

It doesn’t stop with kids though. The last few months have shown me exactly that. I always hoped that the older we’d grow the less we’d participate in a popularity contest and our efforts and values were worth more than your looks or age.
It really does suck when we put in all the effort. When we do our homework, help others, make ourselves available and offer ourselves up, do all the extra and give it our all. We can show up each and every time and make it our main priority. We can be strong and good and feel like we are nailing it at life – but then it turns out that nothing comes of it. It turns out that in the end, your face, your size, your popularity or who knows what else is all that matters. It doesn’t matter that others appreciate the efforts you put in when those in charge couldn’t care less about it. Your co-workers might love your presentation, but unless your boss stops hating your guts you’re never going to get that promotion.
It is a horrible feeling when you’ve been good at something in some peoples’ eyes but for others’ there is not even a place in the background.

It’s terrible when one day you feel wanted and special but the next you’re standing in the wings watching life pass by – thinking of all the things you could have done instead of the efforts wasted on the one thing you wanted to do. It is heart-breaking when the creeping feeling of self-doubt and loss of self-worth comes dawning on you – and the reflection that used to show someone confident and self-loving is now the image of unsurety and insecurity. Thinking back to what you said or did or lost or how you could have…

Knowing that it probably wouldn’t have mattered. If you had tried a bit harder. Hugged some more people. Loved a little extra. Laughed a bit further. Read the words again and again. Sure that it wouldn’t have made a difference – the story was already written and you never had a chance because sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you put in. It really doesn’t. If they hate your guts they hate your guts.
The thing is though, for me, and hopefully for my children as well, I will never actually stop. I will never give up. I will still be the one who sits up at night with the homework trying to perfect everything – as if it matters – even if I end up being a bench-warmer.

It’s funny though, how this has been a theme for me in life. Good enough, but never good enough for the ones who makes the decisions.

3/24

There’s no Christmas without Pentatonix❤️ I was so lucky to get to see them last year and it was incredible! I probably posted this one last year, but it’s good enough to share again!

(Btw, it’s still the 3rd in Norway, so it counts:) BUT my app isn’t posting scheduled posts so it’s not really helping me with this:/)

Xxx,

Line

One week down!

School holidays are always either very exciting or very boring, depending on what we end up doing. I always try to plan every day, but in the recent holidays I’ve packed too much in and ended up either stressing too much or get nothing done because it is all too much.

This time I’ve decided to take a different approach. Only a few things were definite plans and quite a lot have been changeable, which has so far proved handy! Other times I have felt like the kids have ‘missed out’ if plans fall apart or change, and that does no good for my own mental health!

Overall, the girls really enjoy playing with each other, the ‘Close in age will pay off after a while!’ mantra we’ve heard and spoken a thousand times is really ringing true. Being able to just tell them to go and entertain themselves and they’ll actually do it is fantastic.

I usually spend a day or so cooking, baking and preparing food for the next term of school, so once we’re back the mornings become less hectic. The truth is that lunch bag packing, however easy I make it for myself, is not nearly the worst offender in the mornings, but knowing I have more than just sandwiches and apples ready for them makes me feel better (and helps me out when I forget/am too lazy to do the shopping!). I am meant to have this day tomorrow, but because I have kept all options open, I have already done a fair bit of preparations and have stacked the freezer with smoothies, quesadillas, ham and cheese scrolls, pre-made filled rolls, polarbrød (a scandi type of flat bread) and paniske roll ups. We are continuing on with cloud jellies, mini quiches, cinnamon scrolls and popcorn balls – which are all planned for tomorrow. We will see how it all goes:) We bought a new secondhand freezer for $25 the other day and I promised Simon I’d fill it up quickly – so far so good!

The girls have had a few playdates, today we had someone ask us to come along to Inflatable world, this massive indoor bouncy castle place with all sorts of inflatable things for the kids to go crazy on. I forgot to take pictures of them though, but they were pretty exhausted! Yesterday they went to see a new fountain nearby, which soaked them, we went home to change, then to a playground that has a water feature as well, so they were soaked yet again. They loved it though, and with the hot weather they wouldn’t have it any other way!

Simon always finds jobs for them to do, and they absolutely do not mind at all, like Saturday when he decided to paint the trailer, here we are, three days later and two showers later, there’s silver paint in their hair and ears still but they had a blast!

One more week to go before school returns! We have zoo plans and beach plans and city plans – fingers crossed they all happen!:)

Xxx,

Line

STILL HERE

Okay so it has been WAY too long since I wrote something here, and I’ve been kinda itching to get something written down. So here comes a big one. I mean, this will be a long one, so hold on tight.

First things first – Aria!

I think I posted stuff about her just after she was born, and then it’s been silent. But no more!

She is a gorgeous little baby girl – and very much just like her older sisters. She treats us well, sleeps all night long and just eats and naps during the day. She has the most gorgeous smile and her cooing melts our hearts more every time we hear her. The girls are loving her more and more, but now, after nearly ten weeks, they’ve calmed down slightly. I can now trust them to actually let her sleep at times, although there are still some fights about who gets to cuddle and hold and feed and all sorts.

For those wondering, I am not breastfeeding still. When she was discharged from the hospital she was slightly jaundice and was close to needing treatment. We think that, because of this, she was not eating well and she was very tired and lethargic for the first week, and with my milk production never having been very high, she had to use so much effort to actually feed that she’d fall asleep before she got a proper feed. She continued to lose weight rather than gain it, and after having discussed it with the nurse that came to our house, I sent Simon straight to the shop to get formula. She is now happy, and growing, and such a content little baby girl. Aria has come with me to several things, workshops in musical theatre singing, concerts and make-up parties – and all her extra aunties over here adore her, which makes bringing her even easier!:) We love her and feel so blessed to have her with us, doting over her like crazy😊 More updates will come – preferably more frequently!

Sophia:
If there was ever any doubt as to what kind of person Sophia is, it has become even more evident in the last few months. After Aria came along, she has been so extra caring towards her, but struggled a bit with adjusting in the first few weeks. She really let us know through her behaviour that she was not getting as much attention, but it has settled now, and now she is being her normal ratbag self😊

If you are a facebook friend you may have seen a while back that she ended up in hospital; here’s the full story.
I went to see a movie with a friend. We had wanted to see the movie for a few weeks, and we finally made time to see it. I think it may have been the first night of leaving Simon at home alone with all four girls at once? We sit down to watch it, when both of our phones go off. I didn’t notice mine, as it was on the next seat, but Jess did, and apparently it was me, trying to contact her and my friends. Turns out it was Simon, logged into my messenger, ringing out an SOS to whoever was with me at the movie to get in contact with me. Sophias hand got slammed in the door. Her finger was badly injured. We didn’t know how bad it was, but Jess and I both decided to leave the movies to help him, as he said ‘Going to the hospital now’. With all four kids in the car, we ended up at the hospital right at the same time as them, and barefoot and in odd clothes as they were all getting ready for bedtime when it happened, we all walked in to the Emergency room. I am very glad Jess decided to come with me, as we were able to just leave Ricky and Mel with her in the waiting room, as they ushered us through immediately. You know when you don’t have to wait that things are pretty bad.
Simon and I sat with Sophia while the doctors and nurses came around to see it, and once they took her little tissue off  it looked bad. I mean, in my eyes, the top part of the thumb looked as if it was coming off, but I am thick-skinned and can handle it – even so, it made me cringe. Simon has a worse time with these kind of things, and I felt really bad for him having to deal with this on his own on the one night I went somewhere by myself. Jess and I ended up taking the other girls home and put them to bed, and Simon arrived home with Sophia not too long after. He was to take her to the city to a different hospital in the morning to have surgery. Poor Sophia had to fast, and wasn’t happy in the morning, but they got up bright and early on the Saturday morning. Eagerly waiting for updates from Simon, I waited until the other girls woke up before we got dressed and headed off to meet them at the hospital. They waited and waited for her to be called in, and the poor girl was still fasting. Simon went home with the other kids, and I stayed. It wasn’t until just before midnight they finally took her in to have her operation, after she had been starving all day. The surgery went well, and after a few weeks of wearing a hammer on her hand, her bandage came off, and even though her nail has come off, the rest of it looks fine. It was about 45 percent cut off, but no bones broken or cracked, which was very lucky!
She has, since then, celebrated her fifth birthday, a Unicorn themed party with dress ups, rainbow cake and good old-fashioned Norwegian fishing game – the first time she got to invite her own friends to a party! She was given an abundance of Unicorn stuff, a pogo stick and loots of other amazing presents:D I think she had the best day in her life, and she’s already planning next years party.
Other than the interesting events, Sophia has continued to be her amazing self, and after having become one year older, she reckons she is MUCH better at everything now😊

Ricky:
My little baby is not so little anymore now! It’s amazing how much they grow up when they suddenly have all this extra responsibility – or maybe that just means that I can see it better? Ricky is an amazing helper with Aria, and has no problem fetching things for me when I need to change her or feed her or need someone to keep putting her dummy back in when she spits it out😊 We knew she would be, but she has proven herself to be quite the excellent big sister to Aria, and I think she will continue to thrive and grow in this role. Ricky is ready to start school next year she reckons, and she is so much looking forward to me making her lunches (because it is obviously the most important thing during the school day!:))

Right now she is finishing off  an ear infection which has made her almost deaf and it is so funny and frustrating but she genuinely can only hear if I scream loudly enough. It has lead to a few hilarious mix-ups and misunderstandings. She is getting better luckily, which is good!

Melodie:
Nothing much exciting has happened in Melodies life in the last few months, but for her that is not necessarily  a bad thing! She has really stepped up and been super helpful with the baby and everything else at home, which is great. We’ve decided to quit gymnastics for her after these school holidays, after nearly three years of going there she has virtually learnt nothing, and by now they haven’t even tried to make the effort of teaching her things such as cartwheels and handstands – she can forward roll and that’s it. So I have had enough. She never been very athletically inclined, but I have never seen them actually making the effort to try to teach her, so I’ve had enough. She decided to do more dancing next year instead, which she has loved doing this year, and I fully support that. They actually care about their dancers doing well and learning, so I’m sure this will be the right choice for her. (and just for the record, I don’t actually care about how good my children are at dancing or sports or these tings, I care about their enjoyment – BUT throwing money at people who don’t even care to try to teach her? Nah…)

Simon:
Aah what can I say about Simon. You’d think a man so outnumbered by girls would struggle, but although life throws spanners in the works all the time – he has done nothing but shine and become even more adorable and loving with the new person in our life. He goes to work – does what he does, then comes home and cuddles them all as if that was all he was ever meant to do in his life. He has also tried out a new adventure in life which is quietly excited about, so I know he will be doing well😊 He has had bad luck fishing lately, but managed to catch a couple of feeds yesterday, so he’s been brought back to life a little 😀 We did celebrate fathers day, with cake and presents and big big breakfasts, which, according to the girls, was the best fathers day ever:D

 

 

Myself:
And me. As expected, my recovery after surgery was relatively quick and easy. It didn’t take long before I was able to be out and about and hang out with friends, and show off Aria and do things I enjoy doing. Some people might think it’s early for me to want to do those sort of things, but as long as I feel great and can bring my baby with me, I have no issues. The fear of missing out can be strong sometimes, and not  needing to is also good for my mental health as well😊 I’ve also just finished the second trimester of studying, doing another unit of German. I have, understandably, been a little busy, so I am hoping I managed to wing my way through the exam. I am loving spending my days with our little tiny one, and I think that, because I know she is our last one, I am soaking it all in even more now than before. I love her ❤

 

What have we done?

Life after having a newborn isn’t necessarily the most exciting, so we haven’t been doing too many things. We did have my sister coming to visit and see Aria – and while she was here we went to the Royal Adelaide Show (somewhat of a tradition now, third year in a row for us!). Aria got to go on her first carousel ride, and we had a great day out just like the previous years. We tried one of the roller coasters I thought was going to kill me, but otherwise it was all good😊 We’ve been playgrounding and playdating and Ikea’ing and beach’ing and now that the spring is well and truly here, we will be doing the latter a lot more! I’ve watched a couple of shows, In the last week I got to see Les Miserables (my favourite, and yes, I cried the whole way through) and a play called Men Behaving Badly which my friend is in:) One of the best things about living in Adelaide is that there is always so many things to see!

 

 

The future?
In a few weeks, we are having visitors from Norway arriving, and once they leave, I have another friend from Norway coming to see us, so we will be very busy in the coming months, but it is the kind of busy I am loving, so bring it on! Very, very  excited to see these people, and I will probably cry many happy tears<3
Christmas is coming soon, and I am hoping it will be a good one this year, I have started shopping and planning for it, and will continue probably until Christmas actually arrives! Our first Christmas as a ‘complete’ family is going to be Awesome:D Next year, if all plans come to fruition, Christmas shall be white!
Right now, we have school holidays for a few weeks, and we have many plans! I will try to write more often, so maybe some pictures from school holidays will pop up here too😊 Today we are going to Ikea (a standard thing in the holidays) and yesterday the girls had a playdate with some friends (One who is Sophias boyfriend:)). Hoping the weather holds up!

Lastly, I just really need to say something. The last few weeks/months have been sad for one reason. Australia has decided to survey the nation to see what their opinion on same-sex marriage really is. For someone who’s from a country where it has already been in place for so long, I can hardly fathom how it is even possible to NOT have it in a country like Australia. And it has made me so so sad for so many of my friends who this directly impacts. Having random strangers cast a vote on other peoples love and relationships is beyond me and it has brought out so much ugly in people. In my eyes, it is downright bullying and just horribly mean. I need to say that for all the people out there, friends of mine or not, I feel for you and I am horrified that you guys have to go through this at this time – and I hope you all know that there are literally millions of us standing with you, and soon, soon, this will all be history! Until then, I’m sending all the love out to all the LGBTQI people out there, and I can’t wait until we can all celebrate your love and shoot rainbow confetti bombs onto all the nay-sayers<3

Xxx,Line

R u OK?

Today is R u Okay day in Australia, a day which encourages people to ask their friends and colleagues and family and strangers if they are okay and to start a conversation with people who might be struggling. As someone who has been and still am affected by mental health issues I think the idea behind this is great, and if we all asked just one person how they are going, we might be able to help make the world a little bit better for that person.

I sometimes just need to cry. Just put on a sad song or a song that means lots to me, and let the tears flow. Maybe I’ve been holding it in because of the kids, or maybe there’s too much evil in the world or maybe I have no reason but crying will make me feel better.

This is one of my favourite crying song. Even if I am all fine and all good, this will make me cry and no matter how good I am feeling before – this clears out the bad I didn’t know was there before. Crying is good! Crying is okay! And crying can make you a stronger person:)

I hope you are okay, but if you are not – speak up! Tell someone, anyone. Or me, tell me – I am all ears!

 

Brb, tearing up again:)

Xxx,

Line

10.02 – the final puzzle piece

10.02 yesterday our family was completed. Yesterday my mind was numb after seeing our beautiful fourth daughter emerge from my own body. Yesterday I was sure that perfection had hit us. And it surely did.

Words fail when trying to describe the happiness and euphoria that comes after having a baby. And when trying to describe how perfect and flawless she is.
Welcoming our gorgeousness to the world was so easy, yet emotional in many ways. We knew she is meant to be our last one. We know that all the things we do with her now is the last time we will do for the first time again. Yet, she is so amazing and beautiful that I cannot fathom how we even made her.

We have named her Aria. Choosing her name was not an easy feat, but now, after she got to choose between our own selections, it has been decided. Presenting Miss Aria Archer Skingen Koch to the world makes us so incredibly proud!

 

The semantics, for those interested;

She was delivered by c-section, with a perfect spinal which meant we only stayed in recovery for the minimal time (and could have gone back earlier if needed). I was up on my feet after not too long, and although i had to stay on a drip over night it is all good now and I've been walking around the room in not much pain at all and being able to get out of bed has been so good:)

She was 51,5 cm long with 3,59 kg on her, which makes her overall the smallest baby of ours, lightest, but the second shortest!

So far she seems to be feeding well and being quite calm and content so we're obviously hoping this stays the same forever, however babies are unpredictable, so we'll see what happens. Also, happy to continue breastfeeding if she is happy, but my previous history with this means that we will be ready to make the change if needed.

 

Her gorgeous, black hair took us by surprise since all the others have been blonde beauties, but there's nothing wrong with completing the set:) Now, we are not sure what her eye colour is, since they are still so dark, however I think they seem slightly more blue than brown at the moment. But we will see. At the moment she is a dark beauty and we couldn't be happier – such a stunning little girl. But I am obviously biased and totally in love<3

Here are a few photos of our little cutie, for those who are here for that (and I assume you are, since you're here anyway:))

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm up for cuddles<3

Xxx,

Line

Totally underprepared 

When I look at the list of stuff that I’ve made with all things to get ready before baby arrives, I see that I am totally underprepared. I don’t know why, exactly, but we have all the clothes out and ready to go, but the changetable has not been assembled, the bed is full of other stuff that has sorta just been chucked in there ‘for now’ – and there’s not a nappy in sight!

I have plans of making it all happen though, but I keep feeling like it’s not needed yet. But now, now that we are only four weeks away from due date, now might be the right time to get it all into gear, right?

I guess part of it is that I have three already, and I don’t feel that stressed. I know what’s needed and not (I mean, we DO need nappies and a place to sleep for bubs…:)) and I know that most things are easily accessible. Particularly now that we actually live somewhere central! With the two previous ones we were so far away from shops it needed to be planned, and with Melodie we were in Norway, with shops not opened Sundays, and only barely on Saturdays. Right now, everything is open whenever we will need it (pretty much). That means that if we decide to bottle feed, I can have Simon go to the shop and be back within half hour with formula and whatever else is needed. So I don’t technically need to plan for this. It will happen though, trust me:)

Another reason why is probably because I actually don’t feel very pregnant. I have not gained weight, I feel I’m not waddling or walking funny, and despite some heartburn, trouble bending down and the constant need to pee, plus the little tiny tumbler inside, I don’t feel particularly pregnant. Which is good! I mean, people ask me if I’m sick of it already, and my general answer is ‘No, I am just impatient…’ I am perfectly fine, and could be pregnant for a few months more – it’s just that I am impatient and want things (body-wise) back to normal, and also obviously don’t want to have to wait for the gorgeousness to come out so we can say hello for the first time.

I’m guessing in a weeks time things will be slightly more organised. But who knows:) at least Simon will have a few days before we return home from hospital to set it all up, right?

Xxx,

Lind

And we’re at a hundred!

This whole blogging adventure is a funny one. If you’ve paid attention from the beginning, it has been going on for eight years now. Weird. When I changed platforms three years ago, it didchange though. It did make it all better and easier. And now, these many years later, I feel that the things I post here are a good mix of personal opinions, a little bit of parenting, random ramblings and some emotional stuff. What started out as a way for people to follow my adventures overseas has gone through family and friends being able to catch up on us and the kids and is now like an extension of myself.

I don’t have any one specific reason for writing. I mean, I write all the time. Most of what I write don’t get published, and the majority of my ideas end up being just that. Writing is for me very therapeutic, and will never be about having followers or earning money, free stuff or anything like that.

The weird thing though, is that it makes me really happy if someone tells me they have been reading my blog – and they comment on it – especially in real life! In one way it’s slightly scary, because sometimes I write personal stuff, and knowing that people are in my head when they read is a little absurd, (but I am aware it’s being made public of course:)) and it’s a little bit crazy at times that people actually do care about reading it. It makes me want to write more and gives me the courage to share even more! 

And that would be people I know. Somehow, though, my blog has got followers that are NOT friends and family. Somehow there has been a few people pushing the ‘follow’ button that don’t have any other reason to pay attention to what happens in our life. Not even the people that I share it with on Facebook. It’s almost even weirder than my actual friends doing so… but still pretty cool:)

I recently hit 100 followers though, which is preeetty cool. I’m not in it for that, still, I don’t hate:)


Hooray for hundred!

Xxx,

Line

How do you solve a problem like Sophia?

It’s so interesting having a child like Sophia. Everyone that knows her knows she is who she is. The teachers at the school (the ones who don’t even have her) know. The principal asked her if she was going to be ‘interesting again’ one day as she walks up with a stick in her mouth. People have conceded that they may or may not get a response out of her when they speak to her, and if you’re her best friend one day, she might ignore you the next. This is just… Sophia.

When her kindy teacher approached me after a few weeks of going there, asking me if she had hearing and speech issues, I had to physically keep myself from bursting out laughing and tell her that no, she hears quite well, she just chooses not to listen.

Now, I am probably getting ahead of myself, considering she is only four still, but I have this feeling that this, her special-ness, is mostly just a part of her personality.  Her stubborn-ness and individualism and the trickiness we have to deal with is all a part of the big, big picture, and I’m pretty sure that when I write about her in ten years time, not that much will have changed. Of course, the behaviours that are bad and inappropriate we try to get rid of of course, but you see, it can be quite tricky at times. And by quite, it means I sometimes see my hair falling out as I rush to stop her from doing something I told her a thousand times not to do, and she doesn’t even care – and I think quietly to myself ‘I do not believe in violence, I do not believe in violence’ because if I did, she’d probably be getting it. But I am still glad and thankful I don’t though:)

The trouble with Sophia (much like Maria in Sound of Music, if you didn’t get the reference:)) is that she’s not nasty and bad and rude or stupid. She can be naughty and not follow the rules, but she just does things differently and has so much love for so many things and people in her life and she is very clever and super-caring. I don’t like saying she is badly behaved because I truly don’t think that’s what she is either. (And you guys might disagree with me) She is challenging, hard to deal with at times and – as the principal said – interesting. I reckon she’ll give her teachers challenges too, but I think once they get to understand her and her different ways of being herself, she’ll thrive!

There are people who only get to see her challenging side though, but obviously I get to see the whole girl – always, so I know that she has so much goodness in her, an enormous amount of playfulness, and a super smart head to tackle challenges.

I get to hear her sing and laugh and watch her dance and build and see her talk to the baby and help out in the kitchen. She is always the first one to come running to help, and when something new is being taught, she often gets it more than her oldest sister, three times her age!

Like today, when we took their boat out. Simon got a hold of this tiny dinghy for the girls a while back but have been unable to find a motor for it. With the queens birthday and all, and everything finally working, we jumped in the car and drove to Port Julia to test it for the first time. Sophia got to steer it, and her technique was almost perfected immediately. Steady on, through the water, turning nicely, no being silly – she just really did an awesome job. The others, not as good.


So this is Sophia. She is great at all the things she puts her mind to, but only herself will decide to actually do it – we can’t force her! I love her special features and her interesting way of being, normal is boring, right?:)

Xxx,

Line 

Today I am a bad mum

This morning I am a bad mum. This morning Sophia came in to me and tells me: “I don’t want to go to Kindy today” and I thought to myself “hooray!” Yesterday Melodies new diabetes supplies ran out so I have to duck to the pharmacy today, but I really didn’t have time for that on my schedule, but her not going to Kindy works wonders for me. I did spend a good ten minutes telling her that she should go, there will be lots of fun etc. but she just wanted to be home with Ricky. I caved in. Explained that next time I will not. She says Ok.

Great, so this gives me almost an hour in the morning and 2,5-ish in the afternoon. Sweet!

Then Melodie. She slumbers out of bed a little too late for my comfort, but finished her breakfast and getting dressed in record time somehow, so I see the light! I make her lunch in the kitchen while the kids are watching a bit of Tv, and as I turn the corner to watch them I see them sitting on the floor, all of them fully dressed and pretty much ready to go – but they are not really ready. They are playing.

Somehow they’ve started a sweet little game where none of them are bossy and none of them are fighting and nobody is sad. So this morning I make the decision of being late – on purpose. I ask Melodie if she is okay with this, and she smiles back “does that mean we can play a bit longer?” “Yes, that means you can play a bit longer”

Who knows when their friendly playtime will stop? Who knows when Melodie is ‘too old’ to play with her little sisters? It’s not often mornings (even non-school-mornings) start this quietly and peacefully. And soon there will be a little baby in  the mix as well, that might change their dynamics? Nah, for now I am letting them play now, and learn later.

(They also have swimming week this week, so I feel the academic content at school is slightly skewed while this all happens, so don’t think she’ll miss out on much:))

I know this is not the ‘rightest’ way to do things, but this morning this feels absolutely not wrong. So now I’m sitting in my bedroom listening to them under the covers, keeping warm with a coffee before I have to take her to school for realz!

(Disclaimer though: Kindy is actually not compulsory anyway, so it’s technically not ‘wrong’)

Xxx,

Line

Oh, what’s in a name?

Choosing a name for babies is super easy for some, and harder for others. My mother told me she knew she wanted a baby boy called Thomas and named her dolls the same, so when my brother was born, I suppose it was easy for her. With me, my mum and dad couldn’t agree on the one name, so they just chose both. There’s a reason why there’s only a handful of people in Norway with my name combination – not very common.

I am weird with names though. I have way too many criteria to fulfill.

First of all, the name has to work in both languages. There are so many awesome Norse names that sound ridiculous once I try to English-fy them. And there’s quite a few English names that are lovely in English, but once they are pronounced in Norwegian are terrible. That eliminates quite a few.

Secondly, I need to not have associations to the name. Simon and I both absolutely love the name Madelynn, but since one of my friends have the same name, I just can’t use it. For Ricky (when we thought she was going to be a boy) we liked both Oliver and Theodore, but because both had been used by close people, I had to discard them. Simon says: “Yeah, but don’t worry about what they say, just use the names!” But this is not about them, it is me who has the issues. Lovely names, and I’m sure many wouldn’t mind if the name was ‘re-used’ but I just can’t get myself to do it. So you can imagine that eliminates a fair few also.

Then third, it needs to mean something. I remember I looked up a name once and it meant ‘sorrow’ or ‘grief’ or something not very nice, but the actual name was a good one. Once I knew what the name meant, I couldn’t use it. Many don’t care about the origins of names, but I like to know that it means something nicer.

And fourth, whatever name we choose needs to fit with the others. Now we have a Jasmine, Melodie, Sophia and Ricky, so a Bob is out of the question. We also can’t just suddenly go with a ‘different spelling’. The name needs to have at least two syllables, but no more than three. Together with the first middle name, all our kids (except Jas) have five syllables. I feel we need to continue this.

Fifth, middle names. Yes. We have chosen to give the girls middle names that are inspired or directly from our own grandparents, so the people who helped raised us and had a positive impact on our lives. Simon was pretty much raised by his, so it was very nice to be able to give Sophia the name of his only grandparent that I got to meet. The fact that she died the same year she was born, makes it a little extra special (and from what I know of her, I think she would have love Sophia). Melodie is named after my only living grandparent (and also the only one Simon has met) and she is also one of her godmothers, which makes it extra awesome. Rickys middle name, Alfreda, was ‘made up’ by combining two of my grandparents names into one, as my fourth grandparent had someone else named after him, I feel all my elders have been able to live on in someone new. Since we started this ‘trend’ in our family we need to continue, and we have decided to incorporate the name of the man who had the absolute most impact on Simons life and pretty much made him the awesome man he is today. This means that any first name we choose needs to not be ridiculous together with it either.

 

 

I also try to avoid the same starting letter, and the same ending sound. Melodie and Ricky are close, but because the -ie is longer than Rickys -y, it’s okay. I also like the name to be a little bit unique (and I do see the irony in Sophias name being super popular the year she was born but we just loved itJ).

 

Mel was a straightforward name. Simon and I both liked the name Alexandra, but then one day, I was watching the tv by myself in my unit, when the weather girl came up, and her name was Melody. I texted Simon and just said “I like Melodie” and he wrote back. “Done.” We didn’t know if she was a girl or a boy before she was born, but I do not like the boy name we’d chosen for her anymore. Sophia was a funny one, as we were driving to Sydney, we drove past a street sign that read, ‘Sophia street’ and as I said it out loud, Simon nodded and said ‘Yep, that’s going straight to the top!’ We did have a list of others, but once she popped out we were convinced it was the right choice. Ricky was always intended to be a boy. Or so Simon thought. The ultrasound lady said there was a bigger chance of it being a boy, and Simon heard ‘99% chance’. Just after, I said to Simon that if it turned out to be a girl anyway, her name had to be Ricky. The fourth girl (and one right after Sophia) needed a good start with a more powerful name to make her way through this crowd of girls, not too cutesy. And so the doctor pulled her out of me, and as my intuition had told me, she was a girl, and we laughed and said, ‘Well, looks like it’s Ricky then!’

So, the answer to the question; what’s in a name? A whoooole lotta stuff, for me. And will we ever find a name we both agree on, that fits all the rules?

For many people it’s not as complicated as this, and that’s great for them but trust me to not make it easyJ And also, there’s nothing wrong with having different criteria, and Bob is a great name even if it doesn’t fit us!:D

 

Xxx,

Line

You made me a Mother.

It was recently Mothers day here in Australia. We didn’t really do much, we relaxed, I got some presents and breakfast in bed, and we just hung out. Not having my own mother around when it’s these days suck, and then I tend to forget when the day comes around in Norway, so it feels often like a non-day to me. The kids love it though!

Looking around on social media, there were many posts about motherhood, and some people were thanking their children for making them into a mum. It’s lovely, and I guess I could have said the same thing, but for me, this isn’t true. I mean, they may have given me the official title, put the crown on my head and draped the sash over my shoulders so the world could see – but they didn’t make me a mum.

My own mum did.

I fully believe I was a mum before I had children – because my own mother made it so.

She showed me all about motherhood. She raised me and shaped me and showed me what a perfect mother is – so I could take all my parentings from her and make them my own.

She loved me, and sang for me and read to me – and told me to shut it when I was too noisy.

She cooked for me, baked for me, played with me – and said “go and entertain yourself because I need this coffee.”

She praised me, and comforted me and stood by my side – and told me when to suck it up and get over it when I needed it.

She was proud of me, supported me and pushed me – but never lied about my capabilities.

She was amazing at everything, and even when she did nothing – she did it all.

She was perfect in every way, and even when she was flawed – she was everything.

She gave me everything I ever needed, and even when she gave me nothing – she gave me the world.

 

She taught me the importance of not being perfect. The importance of stopping to take a breath. The importance of working hard for something you believe in.

She was always there, even when I didn’t deserve it. She showed me the importance of sometimes not giving a toss about anything. She taught me that if you approach everything from a perspective of love, things will figure itself out. She showed me that I can be fearless and be whoever and whatever because she loved me so intensely. So I wanted to be her.

I say to my girls now: “Never ever be afraid of me not being there. Never be afraid of us turning our backs on you. It doesn’t matter if you lie. Or if you do something wrong. We are always, always going to open our arms to you.” I say this because that is how I was made to feel with her. My mother made me trust her to the moon and back – one of the most valuable things I have in my life. Knowing she was and always will be there for me.

 

She probably doesn’t know this. She probably doesn’t think that her way of parenting, or her personality, or the way she has always done things, have shaped me and made me who I am today. But she has. And I am so eternally grateful that it was from her all of me came from ❤ I just hope I can measure up!

 

XXx,

LIne

Silently she moves in

Having children co=sleeping with their parents is usually a topic where people are very divided. Before I had kids, I thought it was something unnecessary, and didn’t want my kids sleeping in bed with me. I need my space, right?

Wrong.
Then I had kids myself.
And then, Simon was away at work. And Melodie got sick. And I was exhausted and lonely, and I put her in bed with me so I could sleep while still being near her. And that’s when it all started. Because sometimes they’d be sick. Or I’d be sick. Or they’d be scared, or lonely, or worried, or Simon has been away, or I have been away, or something else that makes them want to snuggle up in bed next to the big, safe, trusted parents they rely upon to keep them happy, warm and safe as a house. And I’d look at them with all the love in my heart that I could possibly have and know there’s no way I can turn them down.
As babies, Ricky never slept in our bed. This could be because she slept right next to us for a long, long time before she moved into a room on her own, so she was always near us. Melodie did a little bit here and there, and Sophia was the one who slept there the most.
We don’t actually co-sleep now. We just let them in our bed sometimes. And the funny thing is, we try to have them sleeping in their own beds first anyway. Then, some nights, they might come crawling into bed with us. Maybe they had a nightmare, or they woke up scared, or they just missed us during the night. And they crawl into our bed, finds their way, just as the instinct of a baby joey, to the little gap (if there even is one) between Simon and me, and squeeze their way in.

I am not joking when I say we don’t notice this. I’m not a heavy sleeper at all. I can hear if one of them gets up to go to the bathroom, or wakes early and goes downstairs. I once woke up to Melodie reading to herself in her own bed, without noise. But when the kids climb into bed? Hardly ever. Ricky and Melodie are not the worst offenders. They will most likely be found in their own beds the next morning, and only occasionally comes to us at night. Some nights though, we wake up to someone grumbling “get off me” or “mooove” and find that all three have come around during the night. And it’s hilarious:)
Sophia, however, is a breed of her own. Not only has she mastered the stealthy climb-into-bed method so we don’t notice anything, she is now happy sleeping the other way. The last couple of nights she has asked to sleep on the couch, and I’ve said yes a few times if I know I am watching a show or something, and the funny thing is that she actually falls asleep quicker there than anywhere else! And we generally turn all the lights off in the house, so it’s pitch dark. Still, she manages to get herself up, walk all the way to our bedroom, in her sleepy, not awake state, with her blanket, open our door and crawl into the foot of our bed, positioning herself right in the middle of her mum and dad, without us even noticing a thing. I find it adorable whenever I get up at night to go to the toilet and I have two separate people snoring in my bed, Simons feet AND his head.
There has even been times when we haven’t found one of the little ones, and they were in our bed all along! I don’t have a problem with the kids coming into our bed, they love us and wants to be near us sometimes, so I don’t see why we would ban them, and I also know they are not dependent on it (and won’t continue until they are adults… ). Yet, if they want to sleep next to their mum occasionally when they are teenagers, I will always make room for them regardless, I Love their cuddles:)
Xxx,
Line