I’ll let you in on a little secret. Simon and I both know what gender our baby is. We are absolutely thrilled – and we would have loved to share it all with the world! But there’s a big but…
You see, for almost four years we have been hearing the same damn thing; “Hope it’s a boy for you then!” “Wow, three girls?? You must be hanging for a boy!” “What if it’s just a girl again, will you keep trying for a boy?”
And then Ricky was born, being, obviously, a girl. “Well, better luck next time!” “Oh, that’s a shame, was hoping you finally got a boy.” “looks like you’ll keep trying!” “FOUR GIRLS?? ARE YOU CRAZY?”
We were downright being told by people (and very often strangers, who frankly could just fuck off if you ask me) that the girls weren’t good enough. That we were meant to be disappointed. I started to hate the idea of having a boy. If our familys luck was defined by ‘being blessed with both genders’ then I didn’t want a boy. Give me all the girls, because that kind of talk just ain’t right.
And now, still, there is a general misconception out there that we would like to have a boy. Hey, there’s even people believing that the reason we are having this baby is so we could ‘try for a boy.’ To you I say Shame on you. How dare you. How dare you put these thought into any of our heads, my girls heads, that somehow, for some reason, a boy is now more wanted, more superior to a girl? That somehow if we in the delivery room have a baby pop its head out, crying out for its mom and dads love and care – if that baby has genitals pointing the ‘wrong direction’ – we will be disappointed? Shame.
If you are one of those, you probably must be thinking; “But that’s not what I mean, I just… It’s just a joke, don’t take it so seriously… Come on, gee, I don’t MEAN it…” But strictly psychologically, when someone tells you something over and over, and when you hear something an endless amount of times, in your head, it creeps its way down to your subconsciousness and becomes a truth. It doesn’t matter how ‘serious’ you meant it. Because you, and all the other people who have made similar comments since Ricky was pretty much conceived contribute to this ‘truth’.
And I tell you what. Luckily, it’s not the truth. Because from the bottom of my heart – I do not have any preferred gender. At all. When our baby is born, there is not an ounce of me that will be disappointed about the state of their reproductive organs. I realise some people do have a preference, and that is absolutely okay, I’m just not one of them. Honestly, if we end up with a whole bunch of girls, then I will be so stoked for all of us (Maybe slightly less for Simon because of hormones, but he already has to deal with mine…:)). If we end up with a little baby brother at the end, I will still be over the moon. And please do not think for a second that I am not speaking the truth.
When we went to find out what the baby is, I was nervously shaking. I knew that the different outcomes would give me different reactions. I knew that if it was a girl, my head would go “Damnit, now we will be hearing about this for years to come still, I wish people would just shut up.” I also knew that if it was a boy, I would think that “Finally, now they can all just collectively shut up!”
That’s not what I wanted for myself. I wanted to hear the words ‘BOY’ and look at Simon with tears in our eyes because we had made a boy. I wanted to hear the words ‘GIRL’ and look at Simon with tears in our eyes because we had managed to do it again. That was all. Instead, the experience was foiled by all these ‘other people’s expectations’.
We really would like to share our gender reveal with the world. But we are not sure yet. Because we don’t want the “finally, you did it!” comments and the “Oh no, better luck next time!” remarks either way. Our girls are not inferior to any boy out there. Boys are not superior to girls. Our kids are gorgeous and wonderful and amazing, and that has nothing to do with what is between their legs.
If you, the world, can collectively promise to shut up about their gender and just be happy that we yet again have created perfection, then we might agree to put the reveal up here.
Tuesday night rant over. (I realise it is Wednesday today, but I wrote this last night and then my internet shut down.)