Tonight, we decided to go for a drive after dinner, we chucked all the girls into the car and off we went. We normally end up going to the beach. The ocean will always be my happy place. I never knew how attached I was to the sound and smell of the waves crashing until I found myself in the middle of nowhere in Australia, where there were only miles and miles of flat ground. It had its beauty, but after having lived in Mildura for a while and then in the middle of nowhere, arriving in Adelaide, hopping straight on the tram to Glenelg and breathing the fresh sea-breeze again made me feel alive once more. Simon has spent half of his life either in or on the water, so he is the same. The sea is where we are reborn.
After a drive down, where Sophia fell asleep first while the other two refused to, Simon and I left the car with sleepyhead and Melodie still there, while we got Ricky out and walked onto a boat ramp we found. Melodie sat in the car with the windows and doors open singing Disney songs while paying attention to what we were doing. Ricky got to spend a few minutes with only Mamma and Daddy, and she loved it. She didn’t want to go back in the car, and was asking Simon if the two of them could go fishing instead, and of course, nothing makes him happier than a child of his wanting to go fishing! She was happy when he told her she could come out with him again ‘real soon’.
This was pretty much enough for her. After a playdate with friends earlier in the day and some extreme running around at home, she was pretty much set. Melodie got to hear some more of her favourite songs, and when they were all asleep we parked the car just outside an ice cream shop for a late night naughty dessert before heading home. The streets are so much nicer after dark when there’s only a few people out and everything is calm. And beachside is usually one of my favourite places.
We get home, and all the girls are asleep, so we carry them inside. I am of course giving myself the job of carrying Ricky inside while Simon takes the other two. While he goes to unlock the door, I unbuckle Ricky and picks her up into my arms. She wakes up just a little, pushes herself out so she can see me, and once she sees it’s me, curls herself back up into my neck and stays there. I realise that the look she gives me is one that is filled with trust. Yes, she is in my arms, a place where she will always be safe.
And it hits me. Of course, she trusts me. Of course, they all trust their mum and dad. And I am reminded that this is an automatic response in little ones. They have and will always trust their parents. The people who are with them from they are little (and I am sure this is true for foster and adoptive parents as well) don’t need to earn their trust, it’s just always there. They will never question whether I will feed them, clothe them and keep them safe. That’s why, when the news of this world talks about all the times when mothers and fathers and other carers use that trust and abuses it it cuts me.
I need to know about what happens in the world. In everything in life, I am always thirsty for knowledge. With Melodies diabetes, I always ask questions and want to know as much as humanly possible. For me, it helps knowing what the worst-case scenario is, it freaks me out less. Many people are not like me. At all. Some people are happy to be on a need-to-know basis, and that is cool. We deal with life differently.
I need to know about what happens in the world, because I believe that knowledge is always going to be power. This does mean I have read countless articles and stories about all the tragic things that happen in the world, both locally, nationally and worldwide. This, unfortunately, also means that I continue to have my heart broken by all the cruelty in the world. Luckily, I self-heal. I spend time with my family and friends and praise the gods of the world that we are so extremely lucky that we are where we are. That my children have such a wonderful dad and that I was raised by the people I was raised by so I, too, am pretty amazing. The odds were in our favour, and we need to use it for good. We need to use our position to make the world a better place. How? Not sure. All I know is we can be kind, brave and never stop trying. And we need to make sure we never break their trust.
Xxx,
Line
Living With Our Hands Full 