Listen.

Look, I am not saying raising children is a piece of cake, because it ain’t. And I am not saying that every day is a terrible, awful, let’s get drunk as soon as the kids are in bed-experience either, because it ain’t. Personally I am not a fan of talking crap about my life ‘in public’ (meaning the internet). I appreciate the people who do speak the goddamn honest truth, there are some killer queens out there who tells it as it is and deserve applause for what they do, but I don’t need to spill out all the dirty laundry for the world to see. That does not mean I won’t sometimes write about the real experiences, the bad ones as well. The thing is though, I generally have a pretty positive way of looking at life. Most things can be fixed, and if it’s too broken, it can probably be replaced. No use crying over spilt milk, right?

Today was one of those days where my little hurricane was doing what she does. Many of you who read through my blog have met her, and a whole bunch of you also adore her – understandably. And as I am sure I have mentioned before, (and as many of you have seen first hand) she can be quite a handful. And today was one of those days. Naughty day. She spilled everything, poured everything, got into everything and climbed up and jumped off of everything. Getting dressed was a chore, eating breakfast turned into a nightmare and so forth. And in between she was an angel. However I lost it at her, more than once. More than once I had to get down to her level and try to control myself, yet still, only managed to yell. Loudly. And more than once did I see her eyes well up and apologize and then feel my own heart breaking for what I did to her. Not fun at all, and I mostly wanted to pick her up in my arms and never let go.

In between the naughtiness though, there is just so much pure goodness. I can see that we are actually doing an awesome job of raising her, if we take the naughtiness out of the equation, she is a caring and compassionate and really quite clever, and she will make a superb friend. I fear that by me having to get angry and cross and tell her off – some of that goodness will disappear. And I am caught in a situation where I am unsure of what to do. Yet I know she needs me to teach her right from wrong and show her what’s good and bad – and yet she makes it so hard for me to react in the best way. We are all flawed, I suppose.

Then, tonight, she reminded me of why I keep trying, why I do pick her up in my arms and show her how much I love her

Every morning she wakes up first. She runs into out bedroom, stands on a chair and looks out the window and proceeds to wake us up because morning has arrived. She sings and dances and won’t take no for an answer because “The sun is awake.”

We go downstairs and a little bit later, our second sunshine comes down singing loudly “Good morning, Mamma!” Sophia has been in her room and helped her out of bed, and now she is asking if Ricky wants breakfast as well. Almost every morning.

This night I was getting ready to go to the theatre, and Sophia comes in:

“Where are you going, Mamma?”
“To rehearsal, darling, I will come in and give you a kiss when I come home”
“I like it when you go to rehearsals, Mum.”
“Oh, really, why is that?”
“Because it makes you happy!”

She just stood there and smiled and was all cute. And I just stood there – almost crying again, but for the right reason this time. She gets it. We need to Listen, because they get it, those little ones.

And I kept my promise<3image

Somehow we created perfection. Although she is imperfect in so many ways – she is absolutely, totally – 100 percent perfect!

Xxx,

Line

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2 thoughts on “Listen.

  1. My dear, sweet Line,

    You know that I totally get this post. Every day is a day like that for me, that’s what we call a good day with our special needs princess. I am of the same opinion as you, that I don’t talk about all the pent up aggravation so thank you for allowing me to see that one of my actual real world friends also gets it. You don’t want to know what a challenging day is for us!

    I also fret terribly about trying to provide the ‘perfect’ childhood for my Mini Me & this fills me with often crippling anxiety but I just have to remind myself that no matter how hard I try, or any parent tries, there will always be something that isn’t up to expectation. I have learnt to simply accept that my job is to simply screw up the least amount that I can.

    Love & kisses to all your fam-bam,
    Tanya xxx

    Like

    • <3<3<3 you do an awesome job and put so much into your little princess – but it is hard, as someone forgot to write a manual! Luckily we never give up and come back fighting the next day, with all our imperfections. Every day we learn, and every day we are closer to the target. You are an amazing mum, and Tasca will no doubt grow up and be a gorgeous human being Xxx

      Like

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