Wow. So this is my blog entry number 100.Since July 12 2014, when I my first post went live. That is 179 days, which equates to one blog entry every 43 hours. I like it!
Anywho, since today is also tuesday, I figured my blog today could mean more than just the average blog entry, I want to write about something really close to my heart. About losing friends.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE APART FROM THE ONES YOU LOVE, BUT IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOVE THEM ANY LESS. SOMETIMES IT MAKES YOU LOVE THEM MORE.
(stolen from the internet, somewhere)
When I first moved to Australia, after Melodie was born, I had one fear. And it is a fear that I am always wary of. But I am slowly getting more confident and realising that this one fear of mine may not be that bad. It might not need to exist at all. My fear could be completely irrational!
The fear of losing my friends.
After years in school, with what I would call many friends, but not necessarily close friends, I found myself graduating with a few handfuls of friends I ‘knew’ I would have forever. I knew that these would be the people I wanted to hang with when I was older, when we had kids, when our partners annoyed us, when the housework got to much and when our jobs drove us insane. These were also the people I wanted laugh with, create memories with and waste time with. I’d want to tell them about my dreamy boyfriends and the impossibly difficult break-ups. These were the people I wanted to talk to about all the nothingness life beholds at nineteen and try to solve lifes biggest crises, eventually. The people I had no problem pouring out my heart and soul to, and the ones whom I would never stop listening to.
In other words – MY people.
After finishing school, all the other people slowly drifted away, but MINE were still in my life. I would still greet the others, say hello and have a genuine interest in their lives, but they will probably never be MINE. They will never be the once I move mountains to see and whom I pester for days to visit me when I know they are mere minutes away. But MINE. I will pester MINE.
So, my fear.
When I moved away, I hoped, more than anything, that nothing would change. That even though we would all grow and have experiences we could not all share, and even though our lives may take different paths, once I returned home to my beautiful hometown, nothing would have changed. Oh, how I feared my hopeful heart was going to be wrong.
Sometimes it would take a year, maybe more, maybe less, before I spoke to my friends again. Why, you may ask? Well, I have no real answer, I suppose life just happens. You move houses, have babies, do the shopping, cook dinner, and whenever you remember things such as ‘I should really give that one a text and see how they’re going’, it’s in the middle of the night or as you enter your pin at the shops or at a really long red light. Or you may not even think about it. Nothing new to talk about, really, nothing important at least, I think to myself. So I don’t bother.
In the end, I end up feeling really bad for not staying in touch more. About not knowing about a holiday they’ve been to or that they had a really bad flu last month. I forget to wish them ‘good luck’ on their exams and thesises because, frankly, I don’t know when they are!
And so my fear arises. On my airplane back home, my hopeful heart had sunk, telling me: ‘What if you’ve screwed up?’
And what if I had? They all expressed enthusiasm about our homecoming, but what if it was all going to be just… weird?
BUT IT WASN’T!
And it hasn’t been, at all! MY friends, my absolutely beautiful bunch of friends are still loving me, still excited to see me, and I STILL LOVE THEM SO! Nothing has changed! I mean, minor things and big things, like where people live, people having babies and such things change, but the relationships between us are the same. I can still sit up way past my bed time talking about nothingness and importantness. I can still meet up with friends for a girls night in and just, talk. Partying with my girls is the same now as it was then, slightly more mature and slightly less drunken nights, but still – the same!
We change apart but come together as a whole, which is so wonderfully beautiful for me to see. After three and a half years of not seeing their faces – I have loved spending time with them again. And this time I can fly back home with much less of a fear that things will change… Because it probably won’t..:)
To all the people I have met while being here, which is a big, big bunch! And some of you I have spoken to more than others, and some I may not have spoken to at all. I feel very welcome and home in this town and you all help make that happen. Some of you I wish I could’ve seen more, and some I know I’ll see more. Thank you for being in my life. It fills my heart more than you could ever imagine. Thank you.
I know not to take my friends for granted, but I believe if it is truly meant to be, it will be – with partners AND friends. And if they love you, they’ll never let you go.
(PS. If you are an australian friend or someone from My travels reading this, know this also applies to you. I am really bad at staying in touch, but so many of you are and have been very important to you and I don’t want to let go. So much love.)